25 Best Quotes From The Hangover

The Hangover quotes are a big factor in this comedy’s lasting legacy. Proving a huge surprise hit when it was released in 2009, The Hangover became one of the highest-grossing comedies and highest-grossing R-rated movies of all time. The film stars Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, and Justin Bartha as four guys who go out to Las Vegas for a bachelor party and things take a hilariously disastrous turn when the groomsmen wake up from some hard partying to find the groom missing — and they have no recollection of the night before.

The Hangover launched the careers of its main cast and was director Todd Phillips’ biggest hit until he helmed Joker and its highly anticipated sequel. Though it has been over 15 years since that first movie was released, there are so many hilarious Hangover quotes that still stay with fans all these years later. Phillips’ directorial style and the physical comedy of the hilarious cast were big reasons for its success but the screenplay is what withstood the test of time.

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Related Where To Watch The Hangover 1, 2 & 3 Online

For fans of the comedy franchise, there are plenty of rental and purchase options to watch the original Hangover, The Hangover 2, and The Hangover 3.

25 “Indiana Jones Wears One.”

Alan

Alan tries so hard to be cool, but he fails almost every step of the way. When he is out with the guys in Las Vegas, he carries his “satchel,” which he is very proud of. Of course, he is the only person who doesn’t realize how weird he looks carrying it around. When the guys ask why he wears it, Alan not only gets offended, but he shows how oblivious he is about the look.

It’s where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it’s not a purse, it’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.

The fact he carries all his stuff in it is a bonus, as it ensures he has what he needs (including his valuable pager). However, the punchline that he thinks Indiana Jones wears one is just a brilliant look at how this man’s mind works. He figures the legendary action hero from World War II is the stylish icon that he wants to emulate over 50 years later.

24 “She’s Got My Grandmother’s Holocaust Ring!”

Stu

While the guys are trying to figure out what happened the night before, they come across a woman named Jade, an exotic dancer and an escort. However, what really throws this moment into a mess is that Stu married her the night before. As they are trying to piece things together, Stu realizes that he gave his new bride his grandmother’s ring, which he refers to as her “Holocaust ring.” That leads to Alan having a perfect response:

“I didn’t know they gave out rings at the Holocaust?”

The response delivered the punchline for the dark joke. Stu explained that his grandmother had her wedding ring, and she kept it hidden on her person throughout the entire time she was in a concentration camp. Therefore, he calls it her “Holocaust ring.” Of course, he had to get it back because he had already promised it to his toxic girlfriend, Melissa. Thankfully, he got it back, and even better, he didn’t give it to Melissa, who he finally dumped at the end of the movie.

23 It’s Sin City. I Won’t Tell A Soul.”

Alan

Alan just wants to go to Las Vegas and have some fun with his friends before his wedding. However, when his father-in-law ropes him into taking Alan with him, things prove from jump that they will get out of control. Sid already told the guys that “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas,” hinting he knows they might do some wild things. However, Alan does what he does best and takes things one step too far.

I want you to know, Doug, I’m a steel trap. Whatever happens tonight, I will never, ever, ever speak a word of it. Seriously, I don’t care what happens. I don’t care if we kill someone. You heard me. It’s Sin City. I won’t tell a soul.

His promise never to tell a soul what happens in Vegas is a nice gesture, but Doug has no plans to do anything too crazy. However, when Alan continues on and admits that he won’t even tell anyone if they murder someone, Doug has second thoughts about wanting to go to Vegas with him, much less spend any time with him at all. This quote foreshadows the fact that Alan really causes all the problems in Vegas.

22 “The Jonas Brothers Are In Town.”

Alan

It is clear from the movie’s start that Alan has no friends. It is one reason why everyone wanted Doug to take him along to Las Vegas for the bachelor party weekend. While no one wanted him there, Alan ended up growing on everyone. It also seems like Alan realized he made some friends for the first time, although he likely didn’t look at it in that way. However, he wanted the Wolf Pack never to end, with one exception.

Oh you know what, next week’s no good for me. The Jonas brothers are in town.

While he grew on everyone, it seemed that they agreed they could hang out again later, and this was almost all of Alan’s dreams come true. The one exception is that he couldn’t hang out with them the next week because the Jonas Brothers were coming to town for a concert. Thinking of Alan being excited about a Jonas Brothers concert kind of weighs in well with his own maturity level, as he is still mostly a kid at heart, and this was likely his favorite band of the era.

21 “I’m Not Supposed To Be Within Two Hundred Feet Of A School.”

Alan

Alan was a weird guy from the first time he showed up in The Hangover. The guys were forced to bring him along, and it was clear that he didn’t fit in with any of them. However, how weird he was might end up being even darker than just him being a loner who has zero social skills. That was evident when he made this comment. What made the quote hilarious, though, wasn’t his comment about the school but what he added at the end about where else he was banned from:

… or a Chuck E. Cheese.

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Hearing Alan’s comment about the school makes it sound like he might be more dangerous than awkward. However, when he added the comment about Chuck E. Cheese, it not only added a level of ridiculousness to the statement but also made it seem like there might be a different reason he can’t be around kids, especially if he acts in a Chick E. Cheese like he did when he was in the casinos in Las Vegas. Seeing he was the one carrying the baby made this even more disturbing.

20 “Yeah… That’s Not Going To Happen.”

Phil

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The timeline in The Hangover is very important as the three main characters retrace their steps from the previous night to determine what happened to their friend. However, the movie itself plays around with chronology in the beginning as things open close to the end with Phil calling Doug’s fiancée Tracy to let her know that they lost Doug. When she reminds him that the wedding starts in a matter of hours, he simply tells her that isn’t possible.

While it is always somewhat bold of a movie to begin with a flash-forward, revealing aspects of the story before going back to the beginning, it works extremely well here. It is a hilarious way to begin the movie, setting up a wild comedy with the stakes very clearly established and the promise that these men are going to go through a lot before it is over.

19 “No, He Was Skiing In Vermont. It Was Just During The War.”

Alan

Alan’s strange association with the world is what makes for so many of his unexpected quotes. Most of the things he says would appear odd and eccentric to the average person, but this is simply how Alan has a conversation. With every situation they find themselves in, he offers yet another interesting glimpse into his life that just makes him seem all the more unusual.

Even as the seriousness of the situation dawns on him and Alan considers that Doug might be dead, he remembers how upset he was when his grandfather died during World War II. However, then he points out it was a skiing accident unrelated to the actual war — it just happened to take place at the same time. There wasn’t a single moment where Alan considered that might be an odd way of presenting that information.

18 “Check Its Collar Or Something.”

Alan

There are a lot of bizarre things the guys have to wrap their heads around when they wake up after their night on the town. One of the most startling is finding a baby in the hotel room. Despite what the beloved comedy Three Men and a Baby suggested about such scenarios, these three men are shocked and ill-prepared for suddenly having custody of a small infant. In fact, they proved they couldn’t even take care of a fellow grown man as they lost Doug.

As if to highlight how little they know about taking care of children, they try to determine who this baby belongs to, and Alan suggests they check its collar. Luckily, the baby manages to make it through the debacle unharmed, but this line certainly makes audiences nervous for little baby “Carlos” in The Hangover‘s misadventures.

17 “I Tend To Think Of Myself As A One-Man Wolfpack.”

Alan

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By the time the men arrive in Las Vegas, Alan has already proven himself to be a very strange guy. He is the kind of person that many would hate to have to drag along on a wild night out. Indeed, Alan makes just about every situation they are in a little more awkward. So when he launches into a toast to start the evening, it is hard not to both cringe and laugh at how uncomfortable it is.

Despite obviously being a bit of a loner, Alan tries to suggest that he is some sort of rebel who chooses a life of solitude but this does nothing to convince the others. However, his assertion that the other men, including those he has just met, are now part of his “wolfpack” shows how desperate he is for friends. Despite his odd behavior, there’s something endearing about Alan.

16 “It’s The Weekend, Budnick. I Don’t Know You. You Do Not Exist.”

Phil

Similar to Phillips, Cooper’s movie career has changed considerably since the release of The Hangover. Though he is now a serious actor with multiple Oscar nominations, he is hilarious in the movie as Phil, the “cool guy” of the group who is pushing for a wild bachelor party weekend. There is a sense that Phil has been looking forward to the chance to blow off steam more than any of the other guys.

Audiences get a glimpse of what kind of guy Phil is when his friends pick him up from his job as a teacher. He seems more eager to rush out of the classroom than the students are. When one of his students tries to ask him a question, Phil shuts him down hilariously, brutally showing where his priorities are. It sets him up as the typical self-centered yet entertaining jerk that suits this hilarious ensemble well.

15 “Would You Please Put Some Pants On? I Feel Weird Having To Ask You Twice.”

Phil

One of the funniest scenes in the movie is when the men wake up from their wild night and begin to realize the mayhem that transpired. It is the aftermath of an epic and chaotic night that leaves them all shaken. While these three men will have to do their best detective work to find their missing friend, the moment they wake up, it is clear how terribly hungover they are and unable to get a grasp on even the smallest task.

With a tiger in the bathroom and Stu missing a tooth, the fact that Alan isn’t wearing any pants is far from the weirdest thing. However, when Phil has to ask him multiple times to put pants on, it could either be due to the madness of the mess they are in or Alan’s oblivious nature.

14 “Hey, Guys, When’s The Next Halley’s Comet?”

Alan

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It’s hard to imagine how different the movie would have been if Zach Galifianakis wasn’t cast in The Hangover as Alan. Though the ensemble is key to the movie’s success, Galifianakis delivers great lines and brings such an odd quality to the movie as The Hangover‘s funniest character. Alan is certainly responsible for some of the movie’s funniest moments that seem to come out of nowhere.

Even during this wild adventure, Alan can suddenly be thinking of something random that he feels the need to share with everyone else. His questions about Halley’s Comet and worries that he might be missing it that very night are met with stunned silence by the others. It seems like he is desperate to seem interesting to other people and yet this is the best idea he can come up with to impress them.

13 “And We’re The Three Best Friends That Anyone Could Have!”

Alan

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Alan’s need to become best friends with the rest of the men doesn’t end at the toast. Though there are times when he attempts to come off as too cool for friends, his desperation for companionship is impossible for him to hide and makes for some hilarious uncomfortable moments. Even as they face one terrible situation after another, Alan seems to take these as an opportunity to cement these new friendships with Stu and Phil.

After finally getting some good luck and seemingly going to get Doug back, the three men start celebrating. However, Alan obliviously ruins the moment by launching into a child-like song about how they are best friends. The moment of triumph takes a hilarious turn as Phil and Stu awkwardly react to the outburst with Bradley Cooper and Ed Helms perfectly selling the moment with their creeped-out expressions.

12 “What Do Tigers Dream Of When They Take A Little Tiger Snooze?”

Stu

This one is a lyric more than it is a quote, but it is one of the funniest parts of The Hangover nonetheless. While there are a lot of great songs on The Hangover soundtrack, with everyone from Phil Collins to the Baha Men, it is a little impromptu song from Ed Helms as Stu that makes for the movie’s most memorable tune. After Stu feeds Mike Tyson’s tiger a steak stuffed with roofies, the gang waits for the animal to pass out.

While they wait, Stu breaks out into song while playing the piano singing, “What do tigers dream of, when they take a little tiger snooze?” Stu’s lyrics are hysterical, talking about mauling zebras and Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit, but he then stops abruptly when he hears the tiger groan and pass out, meaning they are safe for the time being.

11 “This Isn’t The Real Caesars Palace, Is It?”

Alan

One of the funniest quotes comes near the beginning of the movie when the gang checks into Caesars Palace. The group argues about having to share beds before Phil suggests they rent the villa, which is priced at a hefty $4,200 for the night. After Stu begrudgingly hands his credit card to the front desk agent, Alan asks, “This isn’t the real Caesars Palace, is it?”

The front desk attendant is confused, so Alan clarifies, asking if Caesar lived at the hotel. Despite working in customer service, the desk attendant cannot even try to hide her judgment of Alan as she points out that obviously that is not the case. Zach Galifianakis further sells the moment as he looks around the place with a more critical eye and insists that he was pretty sure that was the case.

10 “It’s At The Corner Of Get A Map And F*** Off.”

Dr. Valsh

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A common collaborator in Phillips’ movies is actor Matt Walsh who makes a small but memorable appearance in The Hangover cast as Dr. Valsh, the doctor who came in contact with the group the night they were drugged. The hospital band on Phil’s wrist led them back to the hospital and the guys paid Dr. Valsh to give them information about the night before.

After getting a clue about a chapel called The Best Little Chapel, Phil asks Dr. Valsh if he knows the address. Dr. Valsh casually responds, “I do. It’s at the corner of get a map and f*** off,” which the guys certainly weren’t expecting or hoping to hear. It is a hilarious moment that serves as a reminder that, despite it being important for the stakes of the movie, the misadventures of these drunken fools are of no concern to most people, especially a doctor.

9 “He’ll Be Fine. I Cracked A Window.”

Phil

Finding a baby in their hotel closet was no doubt one of the most worrisome things the gang encountered after they woke up. They bring the baby along on their search for Doug, which leads them to The Best Little Chapel. In a rush, the gang starts to head into the chapel before realizing the baby is in the car. They have a brief argument about whether they can leave Carlos in there, to which Phil exclaims, “He’ll be fine. I cracked a window.”

Bradley Cooper really embraces the awful nature of Phil as a character. He allows him to be likable with Cooper’s effortless charm, but comments like this show that he is sometimes the most immature one in the group. It also raises questions about whether he is the right guy to be a teacher.

8 “I Hate Godzilla! I Hate Him Too!”

Alan

Not only does the Wolfpack find a baby in their hotel room, but they also find an Asian man in the trunk of Doug’s car. Driving back towards the Strip, they hear a knocking coming from the trunk. Thinking it’s Doug, they pull over to investigate, but to their surprise, a nude man, Mr. Chow, pops out.

This makes for a hilarious introduction to Ken Jeong’s scene-stealing character. Mr. Chow plays a larger role later in The Hangover sequels, but in this scene, he uses a crowbar to beat up the gang. Attempting to reason with Mr. Chow, Alan says this quote. His remarks clearly didn’t put Mr. Chow at ease, who throws the crowbar at Alan and runs off. It is one of the wildest moments in the movie, leaving the audience as confused and shaken as the characters.

7 “Tigers Love Pepper. They Hate Cinnamon.”

Alan

As it turns out, losing Doug on the day of his wedding is just one of the catastrophes the gang is forced to deal with as a result of their wild night. One of the bigger mistakes the gang makes is stealing a tiger from heavyweight champion Mike Tyson. Stealing and attempting to handle a fully grown white tiger is dangerous enough, but angering Tyson could be worse.

When the gang is trying to return the tiger to Mr. Tyson, they decide to load some roofies inside a steak, which Alan sprinkles with pepper. Stu asks Alan why he is peppering the steak, to which Alan responds, “Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.” Obviously, there isn’t any scientific proof to back up his statement, but it is hilarious given how confident Alan is when he says it as if it is well-known information.

6 “I Look Like A Nerdy Hillbilly!”

Stu

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Each member of the gang was negatively affected by Alan drugging them, but Stu arguably got the worst of it. As the most uptight of The Hangover characters, he doesn’t take it well. Stu not only got hitched while he was under the influence, but he also lost a tooth. When Stu wakes up and looks in a mirror, he utters, “I look like a nerdy hillbilly.”

Ed Helms was already making a name for himself as Andy on The Office, but The Hangover was a huge career step for him and cemented his skills at playing the straight-laced characters who are thrown out of their comfort zones. The missing tooth is made even funnier by the fact that he eventually finds out that he bet Alan he could pull out his own tooth to prove how good of a dentist he was.

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