30 Napoleon Dynamite Quotes That Will Make You Say “Gosh!”

Summary

• The best
  Napoleon Dynamite
  quotes celebrate awkward teens in high school with hilarity and deadpan delivery.
• Many characters, from Napoleon to Kip to Uncle Rico, deliver lines that become instantly quotable in this quirky comedy.
• From random inane hilarity to absurdly real dialogue, these quotes have the power to live forever and make the movie rewatchable.

In 2004, a small, innocuous comedy premiered, and soon everyone was repeating the best Napoleon Dynamite quotes to their friends. As with other irreverent teen comedies like Superbad and Juno, it wasn’t afraid to focus on celebrating the socially awkward kids in high school. Nearly every scene provided a random assortment of inane hilarity, delivered with deadpan seriousness by every cast member. Because there was nothing ironic or tongue-in-cheek about the characters in general, the best Napoleon Dynamite quotes made the dialogue feel both absurd and absurdly real.

Just about every line was seemingly written with subsequent fan quotes in mind. Almost everyone in the cast of the quirky high school comedy Napoleon Dynamite, from Jon Heder in the title role to Efren Ramirez as Pedro and Aaron Ruell as Kip had a chance to deliver lines that became instantly quotable. From Napoleon’s awkward, backhanded compliments and obsession with tots to Kip’s fascination with online dating and cage fighting, every word coming from the featured characters’ mouths is gold and the best Napoleon Dynamite quotes have the power to live forever.

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30 “Kip, Bring Me My Chapstick”

Napoleon Dynamite (Jon Heder)

One of the most memorable Napoleon Dynamite quotes comes early on in the movie, and is the perfect introduction to who Napoleon is and his relationship with his adult brother Kip. High school can seem like it’s made up of one catastrophe after another, with seemingly innocuous problems becoming matters of life or death. Napoleon’s day-destroying catastrophe, however, is running out of chapstick while stuck at school, something that prompts him to quickly call his older brother Kip.

Kip, as calm as an ambulance dispatcher, explains that the school nurse has five chapstick tubes in her drawer, more than enough to solve Napoleon’s emergency. Napoleon doesn’t agree with using someone else’s chapstick, fearful of the germs that may be on them, and must brave chapped lips for the remainder of the day. It is a perfect look at Napoleon and who he is at school.

29 “Vote For Pedro.”

Multiple Characters, Signs, Buttons, And Shirts

One of the main storylines of the movie is that Pedro decides to run for student body president. Napoleon encourages him to do it, believing Pedro to be one of the most capable and coolest people he knows, and his belief convinces Pedro to do it as well.

Running for student office is one of the most common storylines in coming-of-age movies and television shows outside of first love. Disney Channel series, prime-time teen soaps, and teen romance movies often feature an election of some kind (or an equally important focus on the crowning of Prom King and Queen).

Part of the marketing for the movie included “vote for Pedro” buttons and stickers. The shirts sported in the movie supporting Pedro also became popular. “Vote for Pedro” is likely the first quote from the movie most people will remember, even if they haven’t seen the movie in over a decade. It’s the one quote that seems to unite the Napoleon Dynamite audience.

28 “Pedro Offers You His Protection.”

Napoleon Dynamite (Jon Heder)

Even as off the wall as the movie seems, Napoleon Dynamite really does understand the high school experience. One of the aspects of the movie that demonstrates that is the existence of bullies and using them as a bargaining chip in the school election.

When Napoleon spots a classmate being bullied, he doesn’t hesitate to tell the other boy, “Pedro offers you his protection,” implying that voting for Pedro in the school election can keep him safe from bullies. Of course, Pedro actually follows through on this particular promise, getting his relatives to intimidate the same bullies picking on his classmates. It’s one of the few areas in which Pedro could actually have power in a school election since so many aspects of what goes on in school are decided by the school board and not the elected students.

27 “Thank You. I Made Them Myself.”

Deb (Tina Majorino)

When the teenage rite of passage, the school dance, happens in Napoleon Dynamite, there’s plenty of room for comedy, but it’s relatively tame compared to the rest of the movie. Instead, there are exchanges like this between Napoleon and Deb.

Napoleon: I love your sleeves. They’re real big.

Deb: Thank you. I made them myself.

It’s perfectly innocent and earnest on the part of both characters, but the deadpan delivery of both actors is enough to make the audience chuckle at the harmless small talk. The exchange also harkens back to the likes of teen classic Pretty In Pink. There, Molly Ringwald’s character makes her own prom dress because she can’t afford to buy one she would want. Since Deb spends the movie doing odd jobs to save money for college, it’s perfect that she would have made her own dress just like the queen of teen rom-coms.

26 “… Just Imagine You’re Weightless, In The Middle Of The Ocean, Surrounded By Tiny Little Seahorses.”

Deb (Tina Majorino)

One of Deb’s many ways of making money for college in the movie is by photographing “glamour shots” for people. One of her customers is Uncle Rico, and while taking his picture, she offers up this gem of a quote to get his expression to change.

While most photographers would just ask their subject to smile or look in a specific direction, that isn’t enough for Deb, who has this very particular vision in mind of floating in the ocean with a bunch of seahorses. It’s likely this image is something that appeals to her, giving the audience a window into her own interests and stress relievers.

The quote has gone on to become a popular Instagram caption or even a fun comment to place on pictures of pets in strange positions shared on social media.

25 “Then I Realized That It Was My Hair That Was Making My Head Hot. So I Went Into My Kitchen And I Shaved It All Off.”

Pedro (Efren Ramirez)

None of the conversations between the friends in Napoleon Dynamite are particularly earth-shattering. The movie is like a slice of life during the school year of some quirky teens. Because of that, some of the most innocent and nondescript conversations can become comedy gold.

When Napoleon finds Pedro sitting with the hood of his sweatshirt pulled tightly around his face, for example, Napoleon wants to know why Pedro is wearing his hoodie so strangely. Pedro offers him up a long explanation, complete with flashback scenes, about his head being too hot when he got home. He tried various methods to cool down but saw no success. Deciding the fault was with his hair, Pedro shaved his head.

Of course, Pedro also reveals that he doesn’t want anyone to see that he shaved his head, hence the hoodie. It’s a perfectly logical explanation from a teenage boy who might not have thought his actions through all the way before opting to pull out a pair of clippers.

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24 “Do The Chickens Have Large Talons?”

Napoleon Dynamite (Jon Heder)

As with many coming-of-age movies, Napoleon is faced with the harsh realities of growing up and taking on more responsibilities. This includes a brief scene in which he takes a low-paying job tending to chickens on a chicken farm. As the farmer gives the simple instructions for the job, Napoleon asks if the chickens have sharp talons, worrying about the safety of working with poultry.

As outrageous as Napoleon can be, it is a lot of fun seeing him find other bizarre characters and interact with them.

This Napoleon Dynamite quote, like many others, is made all the funnier by the reaction to Napoleon’s comments by those around him. The farmer simply replies to the question by explaining that he doesn’t understand a word Napoleon is saying. As outrageous as Napoleon can be, it is a lot of fun seeing him find other bizarre characters and interact with them. It also shows just how alienated a quirky individual like Napoleon must feel in his small rural community.

23 “Worst Day Of My Life, What Do You Think?”

Napoleon Dynamite (Jon Heder)

Many of the funniest Napoleon Dynamite quotes come from the titular character’s unique penchant for melodrama. As if the chapstick situation wasn’t bad enough, Napoleon had to get through an entire day of high school just to come home and find that Kip had eaten all the chips. Not only that, but Kip was allowed to pass off dinner duty for Tina — the family llama — because he was chatting with “hot babes.”

When Napoleon’s absentee grandmother asked him how his day went, he was sure to let her know it was the worst day of his life — especially since they were out of steaks, and he’d have to fend for himself as far as dinner was concerned. While it’s sometimes easy to forget that Napoleon Dynamite is a teenager struggling with the mood-swings of adolescence, this particular line is a hilarious reminder.

22 “I Caught You A Delicious Bass”

Napoleon Dynamite (Jon Heder)

Everything Napoleon does in Napoleon Dynamite is somehow endearingly awkward, and his attempts at romance are no exception. Napoleon does a lot of things to secure Deb’s (Tina Majorino) affection, and this includes offering her some delicious bass. Just like in the game of tetherball, sometimes he swings and makes contact, and sometimes he misses and gets hit in the face — but he always tries his hardest.

Luckily, Deb decides to play tetherball with him, which means that, even if Napoleon loses the game, he’s still won at life.

Luckily, Deb decides to play tetherball with him, which means that, even if Napoleon loses the game, he’s still won at life. Deb doesn’t seem to find it in the least bit strange that he offers her fish as a courting gift, which is one of the reasons they’re so perfect for one another. It is one of the charming scenes that makes Napoleon Dynamite the perfect movie for a bad day.

21 “I Told You! I Spent It With My Uncle In Alaska Hunting Wolverines!”

Napoleon Dynamite (Jon Heder)

As likable as he is, Napoleon has a habit of telling tall tales to make himself sound more impressive — though he often fails spectacularly, and the results are always hilarious. This early Napoleon Dynamite quote is a perfect example. Where a teenager spends their summer can be a big deal, with the one who’s stayed home doing nothing often deemed the biggest loser. Not one to be outdone by Don, one of Napoleon’s biggest bullies, one of the best Napoleon Dynamite quotes is a wild story about how he spent his summer during a chat in the locker room.

Unfortunately, at this point in the movie, Napoleon hasn’t learned how to be his authentic self, so he resorts to hiding behind tall tales and getting defensive so that the bullies will leave him alone. Napoleon isn’t like most movie nerds and is willing to push back against bullies even with outrageous claims like this. It’s made all the funnier by Napoleon asserting that he killed at least 50 wolverines.

20 “How Much Do You Want To Bet I Can Throw This Football Over Them Mountains?”

Uncle Rico (Jon Gries)

Napoleon’s tall tales and inability to socialize without making clearly-unbelievable claims about his life make a lot more sense when audiences are introduced to Uncle Rico, who is perhaps the closest thing the titular awkward teen has as a father-figure. Overly convinced of his self-importance, Napoleon’s Uncle Rico wanders through life with a football in his hand, wondering what would have happened if the coach had put him in during the fourth.

Uncle Rico does the opposite of what a loving, concerned adult relative would do and tries to make Napoleon feel horrible about himself while simultaneously blaming everyone around him for his problems.

There’s no doubt in Rico’s mind they’d have gone all the way to state. Uncle Rico does the opposite of what a loving, concerned adult relative would do and tries to make Napoleon feel horrible about himself while simultaneously blaming everyone around him for his problems. In one of the best throwaway scenes in movies, Uncle Rico sounds a lot like Al Bundy in his bragging about his football skills here.

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19 “Like Anyone Could Even Know That.”

Kip (Aaron Ruell)

Jon Heder is undoubtedly the star of Napoleon Dynamite, which is why most of the best quotes come directly from the titular character and his strange mannerisms. However, almost every character in the movie is funny in their own way, especially Napoleon’s older brother Kip (Aaron Ruell). While Napoleon is immediately against the idea of Uncle Rico staying with them, Kip seems open to the idea of having a strong male mentor in the house and even indulges Rico’s sad fantasies about his football skills.

When Napoleon rejects Uncle Rico’s football videos as the worst ever made, Kip stands up for his uncle. Hilariously, the best defense he can come up with is pointing out how improbable it is that someone could actually know if it is the worst video ever made. It’s a simple line of dialogue that’s all in the context and delivery, but this sort of dumb humor is what makes Napoleon Dynamite so rewatchable.

18 “I Reckon You Know A Lot About Cyberspace? Your Ever Come Across Anything Like Time Travel?”

Uncle Rico (Jon Gries)

If Uncle Rico wasn’t such an unlikable guy, it would be easy to feel sorry for him. Despite his bragging nature, he often falls into melancholy moments where he talks about all of his regrets and missed opportunities in life. The extent of his pathetic nature comes when he asks Kip if he knows anything about time travel because of his knowledge of “cyberspace.”

It’s one of several reasons that Jon Gries’ character fits in perfectly well with the comedic tone of
Napoleon Dynamite
despite not being an endearing character.

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It’s one of several reasons that Jon Gries’ character fits in perfectly well with the comedic tone of Napoleon Dynamite despite not being an endearing character. Uncle Rico has spent so long living in the past that he’s genuinely unaware of basic facts about the present, such as the progress (and limits) of modern technology. On to of that, the idea of Uncle Rico going back in time to recapture his glory days feels like a missed opportunity for the Napoleon Dynamite sequel that never happened.

17 “Tina, You Fat Lard, Come Get Some Dinner”

Napoleon Dynamite (Jon Heder)

It takes a unique comedic personality like Jon Heder to turn something as simple as a teenager yelling at a llama while trying to feed it unforgettably hilarious — and this exact scene is easily one of the most memorable moments in Napoleon Dynamite. Life is tough for Napoleon Dynamite. He lives with his grandmother, has to put up with being bossed around by his washed-up-high-school-football star Uncle Rico, and gets picked on by his deadbeat older brother Kip, who somehow claims he can get all the best women.

One of Napoleon’s frequent punishments for being lazy around the house or sassing family members at the dinner table is being made to feed the llama, Tina. That could explain why he’s so aggressive towards her when giving her food. Sadly, it isn’t the llama’s fault, but Napoleon lashes out when he feels disrespected.

16 “Dang It!”

Kip (Aaron Ruell)

While Napoleon Dynamite primarily focuses on Napoleon and his attempts to help his friend Pedro become class president, win the affections of Deb, and figure out his place in the world, other characters also have their own stories. Another one of the random subplots in the movie involves Uncle Rico and Kip becoming door-to-door salespeople, and it’s this narrative threads that leads to one of the best Napoleon Dynamite quotes from Kip.

To his credit, Uncle Rico proves to be an adequate salesman and even challenges the clients to attempt to tear the tupperware which they are unable to do.

Kip and Rico’s first item is a tupperware set which is advertised as being extra durable. To his credit, Uncle Rico proves to be an adequate salesman and even challenges the clients to attempt to tear the tupperware which they are unable to do. The scene then cuts to Kip demonstrating the product’s durability by putting it under the tire of his van. After the tupperware immediately shatters when driven over, the speed with which Kip curses himself and drives off makes for one of the biggest laughs in the movie.

15 “Whatever I Feel Like I Wanna Do, GOSH!”

Napoleon Dynamite (Jon Heder)

This Napoleon Dynamite quote is yet another moment that reminds audiences that he’s a teenager and prone to lashing out, moodiness, and sassy responses when he’s simply not in the mood to be questioned (it’s worth noting that Heder was 27 when he starred in the movie). Napoleon Dynamite is a simple man of simple desires; he just wants to be really good at tetherball, learn how to draw really well, and impress Deb enough to maybe get a girlfriend.

These relatively simple goals start to feel like impossible dreams when everyone in his life starts thinks he’s a joke, right down to a random kid on the school bus. However, not one to be pushed around, Napoleon snaps back when his motives are questions. This coming in such an early scene helps to establish who Napoleon is and how people around him treat him, but it is also so funny because of the delivery from Jon Heder.

14 “We Both Know That I’m Training To Be A Cage Fighter.”

Kip (Aaron Ruell)

Napoleon isn’t the only character with delusions of grandeur in Napoleon Dynamite, and it seems that all the men in the Dynamite family have slightly warped views when it comes to their potential (or, at the very least, are prone to making bold claims to justify themselves). While Napoleon himself and Rico both show this at various points, so does Napoleon’s older brother Kip — as this hilarious Napoleon Dynamite quote shows, as Kip justifies needing more food than Napoleon because of his budding career as a cage fighter (which, of course, isn’t real).

Napoleon knows Kip is delusional, especially since real training to be a cage fighter doesn’t involve eating bags of chips and exercising fingers on a keyboard.

Napoleon returned home from a rough day at school that involved bullying and chapped lips, only to find out that Kip has eaten all the chips. Kip says he was online (resulting in a very weird movie couple) and mentions becoming a cage fighter. Napoleon knows Kip is delusional, especially since real training to be a cage fighter doesn’t involve eating bags of chips and exercising fingers on a keyboard. Good thing Kip’s easily distracted so that Napoleon can land one sweet slap with his self-proclaimed ninja skills — which he has been practicing.

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13 “Who’s The One That Knows Illegal Ninja Moves From The Government?”

Napoleon Dynamite (Jon Heder)

Napoleon’s self-professed aptitude for “ninja moves” doesn’t only crop up during his confrontation with aspiring cage-fighter Kip. He references them several times throughout Napoleon Dynamite, and one of the funniest moments that they crop up in conversation is during a confrontation with Napoleon’s school bully, Don (played by Trevor Snarr).

Napoleon doesn’t like a lot of people, but he really hates Don. Don is probably right up there with his Uncle Rico in terms of people who make him feel bad all the time and ruin his social life. So, when Don threatens him, Napoleon decides he’s had enough. It doesn’t matter that Don is the school jock. In one of the best Napoleon Dynamite quotes, he tells Don he doesn’t have illegal ninja moves from the government, which Napoleon is going to unleash on him.

12 “I See You’re Drinking 1%. Is That ‘Cause You Think You’re Fat? ‘Cause You’re Not.”

Napoleon Dynamite (Jon Heder)

Every quirky high school comedy needs a quirky romance, and Napoleon Dynamite is no exception. However, as funny as Napoleon is when he’s getting confrontational with Don, Rico, Kip, or the kids on the school bus, these moments pale in comparison to his fumbling attempts to flirt with Deb. When Napoleon delivers an icebreaker to start a conversation, that icebreaker can be anything thanks to his awkward way of thinking.

It’s an inherently sweet message, it’s just poorly executed.

When Napoleon spies Deb sitting alone drinking 1% milk in the cafeteria, he sees his chance to make a move. He decides to tell her that if she’s avoiding whole milk because she thinks she’s fat, she doesn’t have to. To him, she’s perfect just the way she is. It’s an inherently sweet message, it’s just poorly executed. Deb’s completely bemused reaction, played to perfection by Tina Majorino, makes it all the funnier.

11 “I Guess You Could Say Things Are Getting Pretty Serious.”

Kip (Aaron Ruell)

Napoleon isn’t the only man in the Dynamite household who spends the majority of Napoleon Dynamite focused on winning the affections of a woman. When Kip brags to Napoleon that he’s been “chatting online with babes all day”, he’s actually telling the truth, and he has indeed won someone’s romantic interest. However, until she actually shows up later in the film, it seems like she’s just as fictional as his potential cage-fighting career.

After Uncle Rico arrives at the Dynamite household, he and Kip go to a local diner, and Kip asks him about his dating life. He stated that he broke up with his girlfriend because she said he was stuck in the past, and he then inquired about Kip’s online relationship. Kip says that he and LaFawnduh have been “getting pretty serious” because they chat with each other online for two hours a day. It’s meant to be a joke, but, given that the two would marry not long after, things must have been pretty serious.

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Category: Entertainment